Responsibility: What's Your Parenting Policy?

By: Kari, MA, LPC, NCC

 

 

 

One of the primary goals of parenting is to raise children to become responsible adults.  However, in order to do that, they must first learn to be responsible children.  This is accomplished through the parent(s) setting limits, giving the child choices within those limits, and allowing the child to experience the consequences of his or her choice(s).  This teaches children that their choices matter and carry responsibility.

 

As a parent, you have the opportunity to create a family culture of teamwork and cooperation.  Children are great at picking up on adults' unspoken expectations and living up (or down!) to them.  This means that if you are expecting your child to be cooperative, you are more likely to get cooperation in return.  Of course, merely expecting something doesn't mean it's guaranteed to happen, but over time, your child will likely grow to be more confident and responsible. 

 

Many parents tend to struggle with figuring out what is appropriate to expect of children at different ages.  As children get older, they go through different developmental stages.  Generally speaking, parents can expect certain skills and behaviors as children reach these different ages and stages.

 

So what are some age-appropriate expectations?  Well, most:

...6-year-olds can pick out clothes to wear, make a lunch, use a toaster, feed a pet, bring notes to/from school, etc.

...7-year-olds can take phone messages, sweep/wash the floor, wash/walk/train a pet, do the dishes, etc.

...8- and 9-year-olds can help with shopping, cook simple meals using recipes, clean their room with minimal assistance, vacuum, etc.

...10- and 11-year-olds can change bedding, use a washer/dryer, manage their homework schedule, fold/put away laundry, learn how to use/save money, clean their room weekly without assistance, etc.

...12-year-olds and young teens (13-14) can mow a lawn, wash a car, clean the stove/oven, babysit, etc.

...middle to older teens (15-19) can help with daily or weekly household chores (i.e. cleaning the bathroom or other common areas of the house), make sure the car does not run out of gas, hold an after-school job, etc.

 

With all of that in mind, in order to set your child up for success rather than failure, it's important to remember that children develop at their own rate.  It's also important not to let gender roles or ages/stages limit expectations.  For instance, parents can expect both girls and boys to help with housework.

 

Finally, when your child accomplishes any of the tasks listed above, you can reinforce that behavior by showing your genuine appreciation.  A hug, a pat on the back, or even a simple "thank you" can go a long way toward encouraging your child to continue to be cooperative and responsible.